Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
