I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
