He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
