I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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