i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
