Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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