worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
