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So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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