she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
