My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
