Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
