i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
