I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
