I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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