When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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