she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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