That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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