im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
