just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
