at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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