stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
