Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
