Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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