bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
