yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
it was like eating out sand paper
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
