Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Barsexuality is the new black.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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