I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
