I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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