The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
