he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
