Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
