hotel room ftw
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
