its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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