Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
