is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
