just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
