im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
