I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
