Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
