Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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