Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
