Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
