I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She's the barista slut.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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