i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
