Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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