I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
