I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
