I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
