Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
