Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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