Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
