you would pick up someone in the library
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
