I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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