You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
