If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I would fuck him just for his dog
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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