We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
