I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
